Infertility. One word, yet somehow a mouthful.
When Russ and I started trying to have a baby almost two years ago, I never imagined that word and my name would be in the same sentence. I had a hard time even saying it at first. Life is funny like that. Now after one surgery, six months of menopause inducing shots, clomid, folistem daily shots, a sharps container in my house, and too many blood tests to count, we are facing IVF.
When something you want is being withheld from you that you know is inherently good, it’s so tempting to let that one thing erase all the other provision. To have eyes for only it. In my grief each passing month, I am tempted to forget who God is. I wanted over and over to believe He wasn’t faithful. Yet He was gracious to remind me each time to open my eyes. I am learning that I cannot compartmentalize my life. God cannot be faithful in one area and not another. He is faithful, period. And He has been. This season has without a doubt been the hardest of my life. It’s also been the richest in so many ways.
I always thought God would be good even in unanswered prayers. There is something anchoring about knowing that to be true. Russ and I have been so well loved in this season. Seeing the body of Christ in action on our behalf is humbling at best. Prayers from half-strangers, notes, texts, being prayed over, special things done for us, calls – it’s all so beautiful to witness. I am convinced I would not be standing, our marriage would not be strong, if it weren’t for this. And I am plain grateful. Sometimes I have to work to remind myself of that fact. At the core of who I am, I know that is how I want to walk through this season. Grateful and hopeful. The longing has only intensified the desire. Taught me it’s a gift not to be taken for granted, and I hope to carry that with me all through motherhood.
When you catch me on a good day, I’ve decided it’s good for us to have to work to believe what we have always professed. Learning to let go of the perception that I am in control. There is fruit and grace in that. May we have eyes to see and hearts willing to be broken and remade.
If this is your story too, I’m sorry. You are not alone. We are not alone. In Him there is hope. “For hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” – Romans 5:5. Thank you to all our friends and family who have reminded us to hope and walked with us through this journey.
110 Comments
This is touching. You are in my prayers. We serve a faithful God and don’t ever forget that. With love and prayers from http://sempasite.com
We do serve a faithful God. Thank you so much for your payers and encouragement.
You are in my thoughts. Praying that 2016 gives you the answer to your prayers. You are definitely not alone and your journey will make you all the richer. β€οΈ
Thank you Heidi. I appreciate your support so much.
This post brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry you have to endure infertility and am awed at your strength and ability to share your experience. I hope you and Russ will be blessed with a child soon. You are right, God is in unanswered prayers while we may not understand them they inevitably shape our lives and beliefs. Stay strong and keep believing……
Carly from Dresses & Denim
Thanks Carly. He has shown me so much in this time, and I know He will continue to. I appreciate your kind comment and encouragement!
Prayers and wishes to you and your family, I hope everything works out <3
xx Sera | STARDUSTBOHEMIAN.COM
Thank you so much Sera. I appreciate it!
I am hoping 2016 is your year. Hope and faith are very powerful things, and when you combine them with prayer, we know we have a God who is capable of doing the impossible. We won’t always know why His timings don’t match ours, but there is always a reason. God uses everything for His glory and to bring good things to those who love Him. I hope that 2016 is the year you get the good things you desire.
Infertility can be a lonely and difficult path to walk, but you are not alone and it’s wonderful you can have your friends and family supporting you through it. You will make wonderful parents with a great support network.
Happy new year, and all the best for 2016.
Away From The Blue Blog
He is so capable. He’s shown Himself to me so much in this season in new ways. I’m grateful for it in so many ways even though difficult. Thank you so much for thoughtful and encouraging comment. I really appreciate you being part of my blog and life. I feel like I know so many through blogging and it is a gift.
I will pray for you and Russ! I’m sorry you have to go through this, but God is faithful and it will all be worth it! 2016 will be your year!
God bless,
XO, Claire
http://www.littlemissfashionqueen.com
Thank you! He is faithful.
I love this post. You are honest even though it’s hard, but I hope you know that we all stand with you! As readers, we feel like we know you from reading your posts every day and I’m so happy I have found your blog this past year. My heart and prayers go out to you in this next step of your journey and just know that no matter what happens or whatever the outcome, it will be meant to be.
http://www.maggiealamode.com
Thank you so much Maggie. Your prayers, support, and encouragement is so meaningful. Thank you for reading. I’ve loved reading your blog too!
My heart aches for you, but I do know that God always give us what we need. Thank you for sharing your story, your candor and wise words will help a lot that are going through this. I wish I could grant you this wish but all I can do is pray that you get through this. Sending you a giant hug.
Oh Rachelle thank you so much for your kind comment. I appreciate your prayers and totally wish we could meet in person and exchange a hug!
we will meet one day for sure.
Oh, Amy Ann…my struggle at this point is finding a man, so I can’t relate directly to this, but one of my best friends and her husband have been dealing with infertility for two years now as well. It’s so upsetting to hear about their failed attempts at other treatments, but they’ve also decided to try IVF in 2016. As an outsider, I remain positive and hopeful. I’m not a religious person, so I can’t say that I will pray for you, but I’m sending positive vibes your way and keeping you in my thoughts. Thanks for sharing such an honest post. We all know there’s real struggles behind all of the pretty outfit photos.
Jackie
Something About That
I am so sorry Jackie. Any kind of longing for something good your heart desires is so difficult. I hope the love of your life sweeps you off your feet this year. You are so brave. I appreciate your good thoughts. I agree, it is nice to know the real person behind the photos.
Oh sweet Amy! You’re not alone and you’re going through something that I know and believe will eventually turn right for you and your man. Some things that we think “should” come naturally to us and our lives, they just don’t. Sometimes, we need to work and prey extra hard for them to come true… Having faith and guidance, support and love from the people that we’re surrounded by and never letting our wishes disappear will eventually bring our “goals” to us, that’s what I’ve been a witness of… They always say, no matter what you’re going through, keep on going, you’ll come on the other side and the best is yet to come!
Much love to you beauty!
http://lartoffashion.com
Thank you so much for the love and good wishes. It is true that sometimes life calls for extra faith and trust in something that should be easy.
I know you have mentioned infertility before and it is so hard to do. I cannot relate to you because I was one of those lucky women that got pregnant right away, when we were ready to start a family and we did. But when I mentioned that in my blog (that I was blessed and lucky I got pregnant so fast after trying) I also got some flak about it from a few people. I, just like you was sharing my story and my honesty without trying to hurt anyone’s feelings or making anyone feel bad. At the end of the day I also believed in God and knew that He would do whatever was right for us just like you believe He will do what is right for you and Russ. And believe me when I say I am so strongly hopeful that IVF will work for you and bring you the child you both want, love and deserve to have. You will become a parent before you know it – I feel it in my heart. You have so much love, admiration, character and good traits to give and you have such good genes and good looks to pass on too. When it finally happens, when you do get pregnant I will pray for you and with you that your pregnancy goes smoothly and both you and the baby have a healthy and happy delivery. That will be one lucky baby – that I know for a fact.
I hope you know that there are a lot of people who are praying and looking out for you even ‘internet strangers’ like myself. I am so glad you have a great support system in your husband, your loving family and your real life friends as well. Wishing you the very best in 2016 Amy Ann! You deserve it!!
I’m sorry you got flak. I always love how you share your life honestly and kindly on your blog. God totally has a plan and works for our good in all situations. You are always so sweet Ada. Your comments are thoughtful and encouraging. I appreciate your blog friendship more than you know. And your prayers. You are amazing! Happy 2016!
Your candour is so refreshing, Amy Ann. Often times we walk around with heavy hearts and feel that we are the only person going through a particular difficult situation. It can feel so lonely. Thank you so much for being so frank about your struggle. In doing so, you are helping so many other women that may be going through this, or a similar, situation. Praying for you and your husband as you go through this season of your journey.
http://www.girlinahotcity.com
Thank you so much Ivete! Hard things can definitely feel lonely. It sure helps to talk about it, but it’s also hard. Thank you for your prayers!
I have so much hope for you dear and I hope that 2016 will bring you happiness and everything you both dream of. Thanks so much for sharing this stor with ev
eryone, so that other ones will take your braveness and strength as an example.
http://www.youtube.com/c/MissLovelyAttitude
http://lovelyattitude.com
Thank you so much for your well wishes. I appreciate you reading and your kind words.
It’s really hard to comment on this post so full of hope, passion and emotions. I don’t know you personally (and I read your post with the help of the translator) but now I read your blog for a long time and I think you’re a nice person. You deserve happiness Amy Ann. I wish you a very happy 2016. Kisses from Italy and thank you for your visit,
Eni
Eniwhere Fashion
Bloglovin of Eniwhere Fashion
Thank you so much for your kind words and for reading. I enjoy your blog too. Happy 2016 to you too!
I have great hope for you Amy Ann. I have several friends that had the same issue at your age and I am happy to say they all ended up with children in the end. It did take a long time and it was hard, but because of them, I know that it is still possible for you and Russ. Never lose hope. I know it will give you children in the end. Thanks so much for sharing this personal story with us.
Kathy
http://www.glamsimplified.com
Thank you so much Kathy. It’s always nice to hear of happy endings to infertility struggles. We are excited for what 2016 has in store for us. I appreciate you!
Amy these words are so beautiful, I really hope your dreams come true one day soon you deserve it, Your a wonderful lady <3
http://xoxobella.com
Thanks Bella. I appreciate your kind words and your blog friendship.
Amy Ann, wow, thank you for sharing this with us! I am such a lucky women since I became pregnant the moment my husband and I decided that now is the right time. But I know many women like you and I am very very sorry for them, as I am for you. I wish you all the best! In case you are intersted, I can send you some articles via email about how a whole food plant based diet can improve fertility. But only if you like – I am sure you read a lot more on the topic than I ever did.
Happy new year to you! And thanks again for sharing somethings more personal on the blog! I appreciate that π
xx
Larissa
Thank you for your well wishes. I appreciate the information about diet. I’ll have to look into that.
I am so sorry for your infertility struggles, Amy Ann, and for the pain and frustration it brings to you daily. But I am also so glad you have a wonderful support network of husband, friends, and family to help see you through this difficult challenge. Thank you for opening up and sharing with your readers. I know it’s so very hard to do, but it certainly endears us to you and it’s very nice to know and understand the beautiful woman in all of these beautiful photos.
Gina || On the Daily Express
Thank you so much for your kind words Gina. I appreciate you and your blog friendship so much. It’s been so neat to connect with wonderful women like you over fashion and the more difficult things in life.
I didn’t know this. It must be so tough. I admire your attitude and ability to see the positives. I agree it’s so easy to fall into the trap of only focusing on the thing we want at the expense of all other good. Keep going you can do this.
http://tia-cherie.blogspot.com
Thank you so much for your well wishes. We are excited for 2016.
will be walking with you on this, hoping and praying that one day, that dream will come true. it is a brand new year. and the best is yet to come π
happy new year sweetie π
kisses from dubai β€οΈ
http://www.mahryska.com
Thank you so much. Your prayers and well wishes mean a lot. Happy new year to you!